i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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