Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
