why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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