please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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