And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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