Hey man sorry I got all grabby
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
