I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
COCAINE IS GR8
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
