he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize