He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
