dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
