I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
