I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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