...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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