you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
