i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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