your parents love me but you hate me
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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