Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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