It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
