he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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