4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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