I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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