Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
