Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
