When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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