he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
