i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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