Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
