Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Randomize
