Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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