Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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