nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The adults are the big ones right?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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