Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
