I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
