We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
