If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
