I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
