i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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