just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
