Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
