you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
