Barsexuality is the new black.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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