I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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