I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
