The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
