my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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