The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
