Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
