also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
