I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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