In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
