Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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