i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
