We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
