My nipple is on Facebook.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
