I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
