The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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