just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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