im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
