was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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