you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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