Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
