i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
