I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
