I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
