I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
