In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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