dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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