i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
