those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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