Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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