the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
