yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
