I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
