Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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