let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
