He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
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where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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